Moments with Marri

My post from August 31, 2018... “Mornings have been the toughest for me on the whole since Haddy went to heaven. Our mornings were filled with his giggly excitement for the day.    That could include elbows, knees, and feet to any part of your body while he climbed into bed.    It could also include fussing if we hadn’t moved fast enough toward breakfast.    That boy loved helping in the kitchen and he loved scrambled eggs.    Overall, Haddy was filled with the sweetest, bubbly playfulness in the morning.    We truly delighted in him.    Jason and I both anguish that he isn’t with us.    We feel conflicted with everything that we do these days.    Our hearts and minds are flooded with so many questions and unknowns.    We are settled though that the truth of God’s character is as steady and true as it was before Haddy went to heaven.    We may feel conflicted but He is not.” Still true.    Mornings are brutal.    How does the sun keep rising?    My baby is dead.   I wake

An unfinished post from 7/7/19... It's been a while.  My last blog was written as we approached Haddon's birthday on May 7th.  Mother's Day and Father's Day were right on it's tail, and then, Dooms Day, the 4th of July would be the grand finale for finishing off the dreaded year of firsts.  It's the day we all have feared since July 4th, 2018, the day that held our worst.  How would we ever endure that day?  Our children echoed our own sentiments and often.  It's just awful.  Everything about it feels awful.   Honestly, I didn’t think I could endure it, any notion of celebration surrounding the 4th of July left me spinning.    Last year broke me, shattered beyond recognition.    This kind of grief changes you to the core, heart, soul, mind, and strength.    Nothing is untouched in the wake, the aftermath of the death of my son.    I know I’m moving, through grief, through life.    I’m thankful to be moving.  I’ll never be the same.    My parents, siblin