Moments with Marri

This was written 6/29/15, the day after Jason resigned from RHC. Jason resigned.  Yep, it hurts to even type it.  It hurts because we have loved so much at Redemption Hill Church.  We are invested.  All of us.  Every little bit of us.  My heart is raw and my sorrow is deep.  Some moments my heart is so heavy within me that the mundane feels impossible.  Ordering pizza, finding bottles, shampooing hair feels so strange with my heart so heavy.  Then, one of my children smiles or I turn to do something and it is already finished by Jason.  In those moments I realize, this heart hanging outside of my body feeling is good.  Jason's smile has changed.  It creeps into the corners of his eyes like before.  My Jason made a wise, hard choice.  He sent me a link recently to a powerful article written by Ray Ortlund that has come back to my heart and mind so much recently.  The punch line is that ministry isn't everything, Jesus is.  In this hard of leaving our church, our home, our peop

I'm in my head today.  Journey with me to October 8th, 2014 5am...ish. It was dark and my house was quiet.  Like so many nights before it, I was restless and so very ready to give birth to this baby girl.  Ten days before my due date, I still just longed to get her out of my body and see her sweet face.  It is no secret that pregnancy is just not my favorite thing.  Although I am in awe at the goodness of God to allow me to be pregnant and the sheer majesty of His workmanship inside of my body over the course of those 9 months, I just feel pretty miserable, but I digress.  As I laid there afraid to hope that this feeling I had would produce a real contraction, I decided a hot bath would at least help me to relax.  So I drew a bath and slipped into the quietness of many moments and thoughts before.  The dark stillness was and is my space and place for prayer and reflection.  I sunk my heart, body, mind and soul into Christ in that tub.  I cried for her to come and asked my Lord