Halloween & Where My Heart Goes
Written earlier this week but too timid to post... The thought of his decaying body near Halloween troubles me terribly. I’ve pressed my body to the ground and wailed for the desire to be near to him was so great that I chose something so seemingly strange to lessen the anguish of his distance. Insects crawling on my body only intensified the wailing from the depths of my soul. How could this be my son surrounded by dirt and worms? I have tucked him right into the crook of my neck to feel the warmth of his heavy breathing just as his little body gave way to rest. I carried him in my body, nursed him at my breast soaking in the sounds of his satisfaction, and cleaned that pudgy little tush countless times. I know all the different twinkles in his eye and what they mean. Surely, this terrifying anguish is some altered reality that I can escape. Yet, it’s not. This is my lot to bear, the cross I have been given to carry. In a sense, I know Haddy is not there in the grave,