Conflicted
788 days. I know Mommas who would have loved to have that many. I am thankful that I got 788 days to see his face. Still, it just wasn't enough. The truth is I really don't want this to be my lot, my life. I am still feeling restless, anxious, and uncertain. I can't shake it. Oh, how I wish all of those emotions would pack up and leave. I can accept sad, even full of sorrow. I expect that. Tragedy has done something to me though. It has me completely gripped with pain, but the anxiety and uncertainty feel like intruders. They make me angry, frustrated, and impatient. No doubt, I have PTSD. I mean, unfortunately, that's not shocking. The triggers though, they always are. I gave Selah a bottle of ice water a week or so ago. She loves lemon in her water like her Momma. So, I did just that. I found the bottle days later, gave a mom sigh, and took it to the sink to clean. I couldn't get the lemon out. It was full of water. Full of water... Full of wa