Moments with Marri

Haddy was more comfortable with singing than speaking in the beginning.  It was really sweet.  One of his favorites was this Spider-Man song.  He would say, “A, O, Dough!” (Think...Hey! Ho!  Let’s Go!)  He would jump off the couch or jump off the edge of the pool into the water.  Some time ago, I couldn’t figure out where this little diddy came from so I asked the kids.  They immediately informed me it was from Spider-Man and that Haddy loved it!  They delighted in it just as much as I did.  Haddy would do it over and over just to relish in all of our delight!  I am telling you what, it was cute! This afternoon we took the kids to see the new Spider-Man.  We were all hoping for some delight and togetherness.  Today, though, was a day blanketed with heavy grief for all of us.  (Pretty sure the movie only furthered these feelings.) It was palpable, yet we all were trying to endure and find joy.  We all wanted the joyous family fun days of old.  We were longing for it.  I suppose wha

Today was gloomy, rainy, and heavy.  Today was also the first day we could place our holiday floral arrangements at Haddy’s grave.  I had to leave his vase empty a few weeks ago because the flowers needed to be brought home instead of thrown away.  They were just a few weeks old.  I need to do this grave tending.  It is a thing in my grieving that I didn’t expect.  I NEED to tend to Haddy’s grave.  It is a comfort and it is incredibly painful.  Juxtaposition...again.   Do you want to know something?  Grief leaves an emptiness, a loneliness that sits down in your soul.  I can’t shake it.  Leaving that vase empty a few weeks ago for the grounds to be cleaned left my heart reeling.  As if the cold, hard stone that screams his name wasn’t enough for my aching heart, that empty vase was the proclamation of the state of my heart.  I wept there laying on his grave.  In fact, I wailed.  My own wailing haunts me, to be honest.  My teeth chatter and these inescapable groans pour out.  My mi