Be my hope Jesus.

I heard a sermon this past summer at an A29 conference for pastors and wives. It spoke about the gap between what we are capable of doing and what is actually demanded of us in this world as lovers of Jesus. I am feeling it, wearing it. Lump in my throat for more reasons than one. My heart just feels heavy, burdened. Gotta deal. No more running. Truth is, I have traveled down many roads to make sense of the weight of things. Sometimes the sorrow I feel is so encompassing, it is difficult to see past it. Other times, knowing the gravity can consume me I refuse it the warranted attention. I have found that the easy road for me has been anger, bitterness, pride, criticism, and fear. I like walls between me and anything or anyone that makes me deal with how completely inept I am at doing the holy life. The truth is, the gap I feel sometimes feels like oceans to me.

But, oh the glory and majesty of Jesus is my great reminder that He has made a way for me. He has bridged the gap between my faults and deficiencies to actually do something in me that will bless others. Glory to God, for He has made a way. Today, reading in Matthew, I am sure that the disciples felt the same way. You see, we must remember that there is a cost to following Jesus. He calls us to a rich and beautiful life but there are no promises that it will include only ignorance and bliss. As a child and young lady, naivety may have been an understatement in describing me. I liked my rose-colored glasses. I truly thought I could conquer the world. Today I realize that Jesus already defeated death, sin and the grave. I don't need to conquer the world. His cost was felt by Him, paid by him with pain, sorrow, grief and dare I say it, joy. Today, I am living in some brokenness, surrendering my whole world, my life, my kids, my marriage, my heart to the true King. I am wrecking this anger with the love of Jesus. I want to hurt for what should hurt. I want to cry for injustices. I want to dance for the joy of my salvation in this nasty world. I am not alone. He promises to finish the work He started. I just want to relax, trust, and follow my Maker. Although following Jesus is costly, He also promises that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Oh Lord, let me walk in the light of Your grace. Please Lord, let me sense Your presence. Help me to trust in Your goodness.

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