Growing pains

My babies are taking leaps forward right now.  I love it and I don't.  I mean, wasn't it just yesterday that Calvin had that perfectly gummy grin?  He would lift his little pointer finger up and point at every light he saw. "Dat!"  He was little, lovely, fat and happy.  Now, he and Lydia talk to one another with their pretend phones (their hands) in the van as we drive.  They giggle and chat and call us in the front seats.  Lydia is talking so much now.  She makes sense too.  We are past Greek stage and have moved into semi-understandable most of the time.  She is so excitable!  She cheers for herself often.  "I did it!"  Knox is so close to walking.  He is Grabby Grabber and has a giggle quota every day.  At bedtime, if he hasn't met it, he waits with anticipation in his eyes for a tickle or a peek-a-boo then inserts his fingers into his mouth when he has met the quota.  He is so emotionally aware and connected.  Our little love bugs are just growing up so fast!  We do our best to soak in every moment because we know full well that with three kids this close together we are bound to look back and see a blur.  To be honest, that scares me.  I want to do this thing well in the present so that I don't look back with regret.  All the details of how we are doing life are intricately interwoven and make the fabric of life for our kids.  I hope I look them in the eyes enough with all that momma love pouring out.  I hope it sticks enough that those fiery, piercing eyes of mine don't scar them.  I can be so short-tempered at times.  I hope we balance fun with depth, sincerity, generosity and kindness toward others.  I have no idea how to do this thing well!  I do know that when God put Moses to the task of  freeing the Israelites that He equipped him on that journey and provided everything that they needed as they wandered through the wilderness.  I need to remember that.  He led them with a pillar of smoke by day and fire by night.  He is present, available, in control and providing for all of our needs.   Those anxious little creeping thoughts have been setting up camp a bit lately.  They are trying to make a home there.  Through the power of the Holy Spirit and some more intense feasting on His Word, I am expecting freedom.  I had a moment with Calvin this week that totally rocked my world.  We were preparing to go to the library.  He was veeerrrry slowly eating his breakfast.  Calvin is lovely, sweet, smart and imaginative but never fast.  I am putting away dishes and preparing my mental to-do list to get out the door with three kids in tow.  The clock was surely audibly ticking as I considered how quickly Knox's melting point would come before he demanded a nap.  I asked Calvin multiple times to finish his breakfast and stop talking about his dinosaur egg.  He politely ignored me and continued his intellectual discussion on baby dinosaurs.  Me...escalating!  Finally, "Can't you just listen to me!  Finish your breakfast!"  (pause for a glimpse/glare to REALLY get his attention)  Then I see it...  Those sweet boy eyes are looking back at me completely unaware of what to do to really put his momma at ease.  Truth, it was not his job to put me at ease.  He should be obedient but he really was done eating.  He said he wasn't but mostly because he wanted to continue his very important conversation on dinosaur eggs with his momma.  I mean, I would certainly care just as much as he did.  After all, I am his mother.  Immediately, quickened by the Holy Spirit to repent.  I go to him, sit on the floor, pull him into my lap and apologize.  He quickly forgives me, snuggles right into my chest, and we have a neat conversation about obeying Jesus because of our love for Him.  Mighty that God still loves me enough to discipline me.  Mighty that He works in my weakness despite the immense amount of stubbornness in these bones.  Mighty that He reminds me that He is in control over every circumstance.  I need that today and every day!  He is my provision and their provision (C, L, & K).  I don't know how to weave this life ever so perfectly so that all things land just right for my babies.  I do know that I want to love Jesus and serve Him with everything in me.  I also know that they are His to begin with and merely on loan to love and enjoy for His glory.  Thank you Jesus for your gentle reminding.  Help me to love You more deeply than anything else this side of heaven for nothing is more satisfying.  Help me to love my husband and children well out of the abundant overflow of intimacy with You.  Thank you for reminding me of Your sovereignty and tenderness today.  You are surely more tender than I even understand.

p.s.  These little ramblings came from my reading of the beginning of Exodus.

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