Happy 5th Birthday in Heaven Haddy








What do you see on your fifth birthday love bug?  Do you see what I see?  Do you see our endurance, our gigantic love for you?  Do you feel the immensity of grief we experience as just consuming love?  Or are your days filled with sliding down a diplodocus neck squealing the entire trip down with delight, a blissful unawareness of all that we know now?  Are you memorizing Scripture as you dance to the jolliest tunes with the sound of glorious bagpipes that Knox so enjoys?  Or are you baking cakes with Grandma Hague and constantly tasting the batter?  Does the laughter of God shake the foundation of Heaven when you discover something new?  Are Lydia’s masterpieces covering the walls of a home you’ll show us around one day?  Is there another Hampton kiddo there a little older than your Calvin?  I imagined that dear one a girl with golden curls like Knox and the tender sass of your Selah and Lydia.  She comes from a line of strong women so at least a little bossy isn’t exactly far reaching.  Does she love the goodness of teaching you things?   Do you sit at a campfire and listen to Paul tell stories?  Do you hold God’s hand Haddy Bear?  Does the light in Jesus’s eyes satisfy your every longing?  I know He loves your internal giggle even more than I do.  Do you nestle into His neck like you did mine?  Do you pat his shoulder while He holds you on His hip?  How do all of the children there play together?  Is it musical noise that rings with incredible joy?  Does Jesus tell you stories that soothe your soul?  Perhaps if I could conceive what you now know, I would never again desire for you to be here.  My mind is still so small, so concrete and finite.  I’m still your Momma though loving you looks far different than I ever dared to imagine.  After we sang our bedtime song together tonight just as we have for so many years, the tender ‘Happy Birthday’ whispered from the lips of your sisters and the gentle, silent yes in the eyes of your brothers spoke a good word to my heart tonight.  Healing sometimes comes in small, tender doses.  God is surely faithful.  God made you just right Haddy.  Having you here was truly our delight.  Having you Home has been a wrestle for me.  Nonetheless, Our God is worthy of our wrestling to learn to suffer well as Jesus did.  I hope you’ve been covered in kisses just as we pray every night.  Happy 5th Birthday Haddon James.  If Love could span the gap between us and God, then there’s great hope in me that you just might feel our big love even still.  You are a gift.  

Comments

  1. RandiMay 7, 2021 at 8:26 PM

    Man, I miss that boy and have been thinking and praying for you guys all day. I adore just thinking of the idea of him knowing all of the Dickenson, Kiefer, and Hampton unborn babies. Them all playing, dancing around, being great friends, and singing to the Lord like our kids here on earth do together. I imagine him telling them all about their parents and siblings here they haven't met just yet. Someday. Someday soon. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Linda HestandMay 8, 2021 at 7:38 AM

    Oh, Marri. You have such a beautiful gift of pouring your heart out in words. I still pray every for your hearts to be comforted, and think of you all & your precious Haddy often, especially on his birthday, as he shares it with our little Ollie. May God bless you & keep you and shine His face upon you all 💙💙💙

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MarriMay 8, 2021 at 8:29 PM

      Thank you Linda. We sure do love you.

      Delete
    2. MarriMay 8, 2021 at 8:32 PM

      Thank you Linda. We sure do love you.

      Delete

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