Back to work

Tonight is my first night back to work. The funny thing is I told Jason a couple of days ago that I thought this transition back to work would be easier. This time around I am only coming back part-time and having experienced this before I thought I'd be fine. Nope. Not fine. I cried my eyes out before I came to work. The night started out by being called off for the first four hours of my shift. This was a real blessing. I got to be part of my fight club with some lovely ladies and I got to put my kids to bed. Calvin for the first time in a month just held onto Jason and me. He was so sweet. He freely gave us kisses instead of screaming and squirming through prayer and 'Jesus loves me'. So I stood there and worshiped Jesus and cried my eyes out with my boys as I sang those lovely words.

Jesus loves me.
This I know.
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong.
They are weak, but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
The Bible tells me so.

You have to know that this song is so sweet to me. It pours out of me every night as I sing to my boy. My Grandpa Hague who recently passed away wanted it sung at his funeral. My nieces and nephews did the honor. This sweet song makes me cry for the goodness of God in sending His son for me. With my momma heart just hurting so, I felt like the child yearning and longing for Jesus and as I sang, I just cried. This momma is going to struggle leaving her babies no matter how much I love taking care of kids with cancer. Those babies at home just melt my heart.

Now I know that my love is at home taking great care of sweet Lydia when she wakes up hungry and he is very capable of loving her right back to sleep. I just want to be there. As hard as it was to leave, I sit here at work with the sweetness captured in my mind of hearing my Lydia suck on that hand of hers to get her to sleep, feeling the arms of my little boy grasping my neck and laying on a kiss right on my lips, and having the man of my dreams hold me in his chest when I cry. It was tough, but as I sit here I already can feel it's goodness. Our God is mighty and he can bring good to all that we face.

Comments

  1. Debbie Carrico HagueNovember 3, 2010 at 1:05 AM

    There are many moments as a mom that we can never imagine or understand their depth of heartache until we experience them first hand. As a mom you learn to walk around wearing your heart outside your body. Its more vulnerable than ever but you wouldn't trade places with anyone in the world.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousNovember 3, 2010 at 8:41 AM

    Awe, I cried just reading it! I know exactly how you feel right now. I hadn't work outside our home since Joey was born and as you know just went back. Friday before last I worked and Jessica Rossi had the kids during the day. I bawled all the way to the store where I had to work that day. I had another "meltdown" the other night talking to Scott about having to leave them. It's hard but I know it's a season and needed. I'll continue to pray for you! I'm not sure it will ever get easier for us but I'll be praying we can continue to be show Jesus at work and home. I love you!

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